Cunnilingus: The Cure-All For Major Diseases?

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Cunnilingus: The Cure-All For Major Diseases?


According to a breakthrough study by doctors in the Philippines, the act of performing oral sex on a woman, or cunnilingus, could make you healthier and help ward off terrible diseases. The news is being met with open arms and open legs everywhere. Muff divers, both straight and lesbian, the world over are rejoicing as news of the possible cure spreads.

Doctors who supervised the research say that whenever cunnilingus takes place, DHEA hormones and Oxytocin are produced, and these hormones are capable of lowering your risk of cancer and other ailments. The results of the study were so impressive that many scientists are now rethinking the old adage that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

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Dr. Landeenstrip, head of the research team, said:

“A happy beaver is a healthy beaver. It appears that the cure for a wide range of debilitating illnesses has been right in front of our faces all this time. You know how sometimes you feel like something’s right on the tip of your tongue? That’s how many of my fellow researchers felt during the study. In fact, one colleague mentioned just last week that he felt a cure was so close he could almost taste it.”

For thousands of years, mankind has sensed that the va-jay-jay held the power of the universe. It seems this may be true. However, there may be a shelf life on its potency. Dr. Landeenstrip detailed how DHEA hormones, and others, decrease as we age. “So, I suggest you visit the field of dreams as much as you can in your youth, before it becomes an old catcher’s mitt later on. Scientifically speaking, of course.”

“It’s about damn time!”

Many women cheered news of the study, saying, “It’s about damn time!” A few women have pointed out that it is still possible to contract sexually transmitted diseases through the act of cunnilingus, but researchers say the possibility of warding off more serious illnesses is worth the trade off. The lesser of two evils, if you will.

Researchers would like to remind everyone that the healing act should only be performed between consenting adults, and that “exercising preventable healthcare” is not a valid excuse to use to try to coerce an unwilling recipient into allow nookie nibbling to take place.

The study will continue, with a waiting list of three years for participants wishing to volunteer in the name of science, and the jury is still out on whether the benefits from oral sex on males is as healthy as cunnilingus. For those wondering if they should keep trying in that area, doctors gave a long, detailed explanation on the possibility before saying, in layman’s terms, “It certainly can’t hurt.” Bon appétit!

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